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| 2009-04-16 16:45 |
| (no subject) |
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Bullet points:
1) Day one of Chemo /hurt/ ... they didn't have the right dosing speed set, so all my bones began to hurt, my body heated up and felt like I was going to stop breathing..... good thing the nurses were all over that... they stabilized me and got the correct speed in.... the other 4 days went ok after that...
2) Morale kinda sucks - this is pushing 1/2 to 1 month out of work, so i'm beginning to have a lot of worries in regards to rent, etc. I also still have a lot of trouble sitting at my computer desk - start to breathe heavy and warm up a lot, which is hell, cause i want to get to a happy medium to return to work for a bit.... normal routine may help the morale.
3) Being this sick from chemo has fucked up my mindset... i'm crying a lot and down, feeling like an invalid when I can't personally do something... I've been a very forceful , very go getting kind of person, and this current version of Rick feels like a total shell of a man.
4) Clarification on the cancer - I'm still in danger as of now - the testicular tumor pushed a second one up around my kidney, impacting it ... basically I go through chemo to shrink the tissue (it's currently too big to operate) or I possibly die from this. That's the other thing that's gotten me freaked... the doctors were very straightforward and reality crashed in.
5) Impact Satellite employees and contractors rock - Derek (VP) has been very understanding and very helpful in all this, having lost his mom to cancer, and in his words, "We will NOT lose our Straight Edge Superstar!" (I should repost the choice phrases from my card that Impact sent - it's hella funny stuff)
(damnit, getting teary again, sorry)
6) Chemo schedule - so far, they're talking like four more five day sessions every three weeks , and then go from there. I'm scared and don't want to have to face this - but for my freinds, for RawNet's fans (and quite a few have called)... just so damn tired and freaked.......
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| 2009-03-27 12:24 |
| Updates - shortned due to pain |
| Public |
| PAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIN! |
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Surgery on 03/25 went ok, tumor 01 has been removed - I still have one that's blocking up my left kidney, to be agressivly taken on with Chemo.
Got released on 03/26, restricted to home for 7 days , pending chemotheropy results/how i handle them and also being on vicoden (when the prescript is filled).
Good news is - the testicle cancer is 99% gone. Having some emotional issues due to the lack of testosterone at the moment (I made it to "it" status) Still got some pain and minor discharge there, but they said keep an eye on it, and if it worsens, room 169D is ready for me again.
They also had me on oxygen (?!?!?!? my oxygen count was LOW?)
They officially weighed me - I'm now 270 lbs down from 302.
Bad news - I still have cancer - it's in my left kidney now, and it 'technically' can be operated on, but due to the size/location , they're opting for the chemo to hopefully shrink it down so they can get to it.
Bottom Lines - If I had soldiered on. I die. Barbara broke through all the voices on sunday and quite literally screamed "You have nothing left to prove! You are heroic, now let us save you!" I cried a little, and made the call. Now I have one hell of a fighting shot.
I wanted to also drop thanks to everyone that sent cards, letters, calls, visited, im'd (I had AOL IM on my razor) and the like - Youko, Envy, Chris, Beth, Alicia, Barbara (bestest soon to be wife ever), and quite literally the cast/crew of Impact Satellite - the talk I had with Derek (VP) was very uplifting.
only challenge now is to get rides for Barb (work), rides to get groceries (I'm not allowed to drive) and to get my vicodin filled.... but after all that stuff above? I'd rather have challenges like that than a doctor looking at me like I was dead.
That's the story...........
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| 2008-05-19 15:26 |
| mmmmmmmmm...Gizmo. |
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| tired |
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Bad night last night.. working on getting insurance again , thanks to a self check finding some hard tissue (like the other one)..won't be able to get it through impact ASAP, so looking into alternate ideas.
groin, left kidney and back keep hurting.. keeps me dizzy and a tad nauseous. Feeling pretty good now, minus pain... Barbara and myself have been watching Doctor Who episodes and I got to have a gizmo from JoJo's pizza.... now all I need is Dragon's Lair 3D and SSX Tricky and i'd be on a major nostalgia trip.
Got Cloverfield, The Mist and Elektra for piss cheap on ebay , and also downloaded Diary of the Dead (since no one around wants to show it in theaters)... ALL of them have been good flicks.. glad to have added them to the collection.
We also saw WWE Judgement Day 08, live on PPV - one of Barbara's freinds had ordered it, so we headed to hershey to catch it.
Still some cleaning needing to be done in the living room, but for the most part, everything's cool....
Still looking for alternate work - impact has totally lost it's mind. I go there, and it's all High School mentality (tm)... fuck. That. Not to mention they've put me on Satellite Tech support... I' m taking calls and I don't know half the shit I should, and it's showing, and I don't like that.. if I was a customer and someone called me for satellite tech help, I'd be worried the damn thing would blow up.
Aside from the minor work woes... life's been good... I come home and smile every day :)
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| 2008-04-24 19:03 |
| Updates - Lakewood and Transformers Encore |
| Public |
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Cross posted from LJ - Pics of the apartment,and my two new acquistions for TF Encore...( Read more... )
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| 2008-04-09 22:37 |
| OMG... I thought these drawings were history... |
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( Read more... )
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| 2007-10-20 07:44 |
| They finally understood |
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| awake |
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"You are best as a dispatcher... we want you to become that again."
I walked out of Impact Friday 40 pounds of stress lighter. We both came to an agreement my strength was in the field.... I still kept a raise, some responsibilities (Dispatch /Lead/) now, but without the impending feeling of crashing every single day.
A lot of behind the scenes stuff here, so to have a reduction of stress somewhere, I'm extremely happy.
I woke up today feeling like I could take on the planet :)
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| 2007-09-19 21:11 |
| Rare Hootch.... |
| Public |
| home |
| Still sick |
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Picked up the first four releases of the Transformers G1 Encore Line...
Unmodded Megatron, mint in sealed box... and as much as I like taking things out of packages, Meg's is STAYING MISB. I got prime , Megatron, Starscream and Soundwave.... Finally have MISB versions of the bots I collected 20 years ago.. it's all good.
Pics below... Thumbnailed to not kill bandwidth.
( Read more... )
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| 2007-09-13 22:40 |
| Bleh. |
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| home |
| annoyed |
| box fan in the background |
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Thanks to a no call no show at work- I get to fill in tomorrow.
There goes my date with the girlfriend.... She'll be there at 6pm, but still pisses me off that I gotta revamp plans at the last minute.
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| 2007-09-09 07:38 |
| And the shakeups begin.... |
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| loved |
| Saliva - Get The Tables |
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Backstage at the Edge...
Bad?
Nah....
Could say for at least now, if not longer... I'm happier. :)
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you log into your terminal and it brings up...
"500 internal server error"
Great. Gee thanks...
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| 2007-08-31 12:23 |
| A good day off so far. |
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| Chillin. |
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Went and hooked up with the groceries, came back, put away, checked on places to go get my hair cut ...only to find out that most of them had an hour wait time...
Eh, no biggie. I went over to the comics shop (bad move bish, this is dangerous), and located the comics for Dragon's Lair, some more transformers comics from the 80's, and then a comic I hadn't read since 1979 - issue 199 of Spider Man (Nov. 1979)... that fucker is MINE now.
(See? Dangerous :) )
That comic holds serious nostalgia for me, since it was the first comic book I ever got, owned , what have you since I was a kid... my parents wanted to foster the love of reading, so they figure start me out with comics, and got a subscription to Amazing Spiderman - that issue was the first.... Mysterio vs. Spiderman! Whee. :)
Did my damage at the comics shop, then hooked up with chinese buffet dinner over at the one across from the Magik rent to own - jesus, their shit's cheap - 8 bucks for lunch, and that was including the tips.
I tried the squid. That was um.. interesting.
Then went and had the locks shorn (yes, I'm bald again), came home to have five hours of me time before The Edge tonight - since I didn't get to be a part of Overdrive last night, I figure.. hrm, LETS CRASH! (or something.)
Lata.
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| 2007-08-31 08:43 |
| Bleh.. Lazy, sore and pooped. |
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| tired |
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The fun continues though...ended up working last night thanks to the night crew pretty much calling off.... yeah, I was a bit miffed (because I arranged to have my two days off moved to Thursday and Friday so I could keep Rawnet and Impact seperate, which the powers that be agreed - they believe in the future of internet radio, and told me they would back it, which was extremely cool) , but something I said last night to my immediate super made me remember / realize something.
"Being a supervisor or any kind of boss is taking on responsibility - you have to realize that buck stops with you in that department, and you need to act to help out if things go wrong."
I didn't understand it around 2 years ago, now I do. Sometimes sacrifices are needed to help out, and the rewards are that you feel like you contributed. I woke up this morning feeling like "Yeah, I had my crew's back." and it's cool. Holly (my immediate super) is already saying I probably can get some comp time out of this, and have this coming Wednesday off, in addition to my normal two days... THREE DAY "WEEKEND" WHAAHAHAHAHA! :)
Past few days has been a bit stressful - have been training two newcomers to the roster, and also I finally snapped. Techs hadn't been calling in jobs, or the statusing in a timely manner, and finally I got pissed off. There was a meeting with the field service managers and the vice president where ideas were thrown around.... I think the FSM's are pissed at me ;) My response? Simple - "These guys are NOT doing what we need them to do, they are subcontractors I can see, /but/ they are making things so fucked up in how things run SOMETHING has to give!"
When I first started as Dispatch supervisor? We barely could close out 100 jobs in 8 hours. for the past two days, We've been closing 120+ and also having them statused ON TIME and any issues taken care of promptly.
Not to toot my own horn (Brass trumpety toot here) , I think I did good :)
In other news - I've been facing the possiblity of having to move by next year, due to various things, but one of them is the extreme increase in the rent here - Chris has pre talked with a realtor , him and Beth looking for a place, and he found out that even I may be able to secure a house, depending on location. If that's the case, I may go home shopping next year - I don't mind renting, but if I'm paying almost 700 a month in room and board, FUCK THAT. I'll pay a mortgage first. Chris even discovered programs that I may be eligable for to help me get in one, so we'll see... things may get interesting next year!
RawNet continues to do well, Sunday Bloody Sunday had Kat Surth, a webmodel on, and she pushed TONS of hits to the site.... we look to be on the verge of breaking out finally, and I'm very happy about that... it's a project that I've worked on since near 2001, I want it to succeed, even if I'm gone.
The ex emailed - She's apparently working on trying to help end this whole situation, stating "Both of us have suffered long enough" - I don't trust a flippin thing she says, but I'm taking a wait and see approach to the matter.. maybe she found herself a guy and just wants to finally end it or something.... hell, if she's found a guy, Guy, GET MARRIED TO HER! I'll walk her down the aisle!
Lazy today tho -I need to get up, get groceries happening, and possibly do a haircut, but I don't feel like getting up or out of bed... my lower back decided to tweak up on Wednesday, and it's not let me out of it's clutches yet.... hopefully soon it will... I hate feeling like crap on days off.... Then the Edge tonight, then tomorrow...
Going to open up the office and then after work, head over to Daemon's Grill and hit the movie Halloween at 10:30... should be a relaxing evening......but that's what's gone on in the house of hardcore.... long story, no? hehe...
Lata.
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| 2007-08-24 17:45 |
| Grrr. |
| Public |
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Sometimes I hate being a supervisor.
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| 2007-08-14 22:48 |
| oh well |
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Welp... Just got a call from the date from Saturday....
Got the "let's be freinds" route... and then the poor woman thought I was going to wig out - Um.. no. That was a out of the blue, "dip the foot in the water" thing, so I'm not even tweaked. Back to the drawing board, but actually, I'm semi relieved.
Not too ready for hot and heavy relationships at the moment... so just a little fun fling here or there is fine with me... so it's all good.
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Been a busy few days, tiring , but interesting. Haphazardly put a posting on Craigslist in the "men seeking women" with "Any geeky women out there?"
LOL, I didn't expect an answer, but I got one. Lady from here in Harrisburg, lives damn near eight minutes away , answered, going "I like horror movies, some animation, tv, music, and gaming". She promptly turned me onto guild wars (i dropped out of WOW cause I couldn't justify 14 bucks a month to sometimes never play it in that month) , free online play for the purchase of the game, which I did, and we enjoyed that...
Saturday, I asked her out on a date, and we went to go see Transformers (shut up, SHE requested, not me), but hit the Charlie Brown Steakhouse prior, sat and chatted a bit, then zoomed off to the Regal around 10pm... sat, enjoyed making fun of the trailers, laughed at the scenes in Transformers, and enjoyed the action scenes....
We got back to the apartments around 1am, she gave me a hug and thanked me for a great time, and I'm thinking "whew.." I got a suprise .. "Call ya tomorrow"...
She has called three times a day since Saturday... Chris says there's an interest there, so we'll see how things go. So far, it's been interesting......
Workwise, we've been doing alright - been busy there, trying to do everything I need to do but still keep to the fourty hours they want me to stay at (Salaried sucks).... my department is getting bigger, but seems the more hands get hired on, I can play more 'manager' than 'grunt', which helps the situations. It's been a month, and they seem to keep confidence in me, so it's cool..
But there's the wrapup.. just chilling today, watching tv, probably on GW tonight.....
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| 2007-08-07 17:54 |
| *looks at emails* |
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Ok, bish - STEP away from the emails. You are off. You are too much of a goddamned workaholic .. not your problem today and tomorrow. Go out to eat. Watch tv. Go out. Do /something./
Your friend, the inner self.
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| 2007-08-06 17:44 |
| Wow, I'm whooped. |
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I have a total respect for managers for the most part now.
Starting this past friday, i had to juggle a lot of things, being on call, doing catchup (since our Econnect servers were problematic at best), do the radio thing, answer phones, deal with drama, all at the same time... some of these guys who deal with it and come out all Joe Cool , I wanna be just like them....
All in all, after getting a lot of stuff knocked down and take care of, came in today with a email - "You handled all the dispatch issues very well, and did AWESOME"....
I was so happy to hear that. ... being supervisor is kind of out of my comfort zone, and I accepted the job to try to help me grow a bit more... some failures and some successes later, here I be, tired, but still in the game :)
Gonna take the next two days off and short of groceries? do FUCK ALL. I deserve it :)
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| 2007-08-04 07:41 |
| The good, bad and insane. |
| Public |
| Home |
| extremely sleepy |
| None |
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No trolling, promoting, or whatever here... no rules, just me.
anytime I feel angsty, it's here. Sad, here. Good, here. happy, here... anything that fits the whim, you guys will see.
One thing I'll definatly start off with... part of me has been really nostalgic for the old days, and to see names like ToxicTatoo, Raighne and Ashura, makes me feel pretty damn good :)
Currently dealing with being a supervisor over at work, the rewards that it brings and some of the heartburn it causes... but overall, compared to 2 years ago, I'm in a /lot/ better shape... Still work the radio station, trying to keep that going, and watching a buttload of movies in between.
alright.. enough rambling.. ... work calls.. got to go open up the office, but feel free to journey into the mind of an eccentric maniac .. just you need a ticket :)
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